By Andrew Hylton
As someone who has been attending San Bernardino Valley College on and off since 2016, I can easily say it’s been one hell of a ride. Burnouts, lack of motivation, distractions and personal issues played a role in why I decided to take a break from college. There’s also an aspect of mental health that played a part in my story, with anxiety and depression being some of my biggest issues.
With all that being said, I am finally graduating with my associate’s degree in Spring 2024. I have come a long way, and my education journey is not considered traditional by any means. However, I never gave up on my dreams and goals, and my story is full proof that with persistence, optimism and resilience, you can achieve anything.
School has never been easy for me. I remember waking up in the morning dreading the thought of attending class. Much of my disdain for school was highly present in math class. There were times when I would be on the brink of tears because I couldn’t figure out an equation that others called simple, and it was humiliating. The only subject where I felt at home was English. Writing has always been an escape for me. It was a place where I could write about all of my feelings that I couldn’t express verbally. It was a therapeutic, almost spiritual practice for me. My teachers have always complimented my writing skills and as a result, it gave me a sense of accomplishment and purpose. While I might not have been good at math, English and writing were where I excelled.
As a kid, I would write poetry, songs and short stories. My imagination was wild and free, I was in my own little world. This is where my love for pop culture started. At the age of eight, I started a magazine collection, and by 10 years old, I was already watching entertainment news shows like “E! News” and “Access Hollywood.” From that moment on, I knew I wanted to be an entertainment journalist.
In high school, I was involved in both theater and choir. Being immersed in these activities made school more tolerable and enjoyable. Not only was it a creative outlet but it also gave me confidence. During my senior year of high school, I met with a counselor to discuss my options for college and university. I expressed my interest in going to a four-year college. However, I was told that my GPA was too low to apply to a university and no four-year institution would accept me. She suggested that I would be best suited to go to a community college.
My high school GPA was 2.5, and while that is considered to be on the lower side, my counselor shouldn’t have stopped me from trying to apply to a university. As a young, naive 17 year old I took her advice and did not apply. Adults know best, right?
On June 2, 2016, I graduated from San Gorgonio High School. It was one of the best days of my life because I knew it was the start of my future. I had big plans and no one could get in the way of that. I was driven, starry-eyed and ready to conquer the world. Little did I know, life wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. This is where I started to struggle mentally and emotionally as it was hard for me to adjust to college life while working a job.
I started attending San Bernardino Valley College in the fall of 2016, and it was stressful, to say the least. I was a full-time student and began working full-time at a warehouse. I would be at school all day and work all night. I was exhausted and it took a toll on my body. I was later hospitalized for diabetic complications, a condition I’ve had since I was 12 years old. As a result, my academics suffered.
With all of that going on, there was also a lot of family drama at home with my brother suffering from a mental illness. My mother and I didn’t know what mood he would be in from one moment to the next. He was unpredictable and made our home toxic, which added to the pressure I was already feeling.
After my hospitalization, I decided to be a part-time student and take a couple of classes at a time in an effort to be less overwhelmed. My goal was to graduate with my bachelor's degree before I was 25 years old. Nonetheless, I remained stern on this promise to myself.
In 2019, I grew tired of community college and was ready for a change of scenery and a new environment. Living in San Bernardino left me feeling uninspired and stagnant. There was nothing left for me in this city. My home life was also getting very hectic and I wanted an escape from the reality I was living in. I applied to a private art school in San Francisco. However, instead of being a journalism major, I became an acting major. Friends and acquaintances of mine had convinced me to become an actor because I had a bubbly personality. Also, another part of me was missing the performing arts. As a result, I listened to those people.
Once I arrived in San Francisco, I knew I made a huge mistake. I was 21 years old at the time and had never left home before. The city was too expensive, I didn’t like the school and most importantly, I hated my major. I would go to acting classes every day and be so bored. I saw the excitement in my classmates’ eyes as we were doing acting exercises and improv. Meanwhile, I had very little interest or enthusiasm in performing. An activity that brought me joy in high school wasn’t something I wanted to do as a career. Going to class felt like a chore and I spent most of the time in my dorm sleeping, and sometimes I didn’t want to wake up because all I felt was sadness and anxiety. My brain was on overload. Being asleep was the only time I could turn my brain off and stop thinking. I tried to push through, but I couldn’t do it anymore. My heart just wasn’t in it. I felt empty.
After one semester, I dropped out of art school and came back home. I had to reevaluate my purpose and go back to my original plan, which was to be a journalist. I got distracted by what other people thought I should be, not what I actually wanted to be. I wanted to be a TV host or an anchor. I wanted to write for magazines and online publications about music, celebrities and media. I never wanted to be an actor, and that became crystal clear when I arrived back in San Bernardino. I even started a Tumblr blog to boost my inspiration.
In Spring 2020, I decided to go back to Valley College to finish my Communications degree, and I was excited to have another chance to get things right. Nonetheless, after spring break of that year, the campus had shut down due to the Coronavirus also known as COVID-19. All of my in- person classes were canceled and moved online. While I did pass my classes online, I felt like the format wasn’t for me, considering I had never taken an online class before.
School aside, there was also a lot going on in the world. Everyone was going through the same crisis. There was this fear of the unknown, and I had a lot of things to figure out. I always say the pandemic and quarantine were some of the lowest points in my adult life thus far. My whole life and future were up in the air, and I had no control over the outcome. I’m a control freak by nature, so not having control was taking a toll on me. Home was becoming more and more chaotic by the second due to my brother’s condition getting worse. I couldn’t think or concentrate. Hell, I could barely even breathe. School was essentially my last priority at that point. I didn’t take another in- person class at Valley College for another three years.
In the meantime, I began to work at a warehouse, again, and I blended in with what everyone else was doing - working and living from paycheck to paycheck. At that point, I had given up on going to school. My passion and drive were at an all-time low. I had zero motivation and was depressed. I felt disconnected from myself and lost sight of my identity. I was either sad, irritated or resentful, which was far from my personality. I was going through each day floating on a cloud as my brain was foggy. I lost hope and no longer saw a colorful future for myself. I even questioned whether I still wanted to be a journalist. For me to even question that hurt my soul because it was all I ever wanted to do since I was 10 years old.
On November 29, 2022, I turned 25 years old. For a lot of people, this time in their lives would be described as a quarter-life crisis, which is “a period of uncertainty and questioning that typically occurs when people feel trapped, uninspired and disillusioned during their mid-20s to early 30s,” according to Bradley University. I thought to myself, “What do I do now?” Do I really want to spend the rest of my life working at a warehouse in San Bernardino, or do I want something bigger and better for myself? I chose the latter.
In fall 2023, I returned to Valley College for the first time in three years. As soon as I stepped on campus, I was filled with so many emotions. I was excited to be in a classroom setting again. I felt rejuvenated after so much I had been through not only in my academic journey, but in life. The excitement I felt was reminiscent of my 18-year-old self beginning college. While I was thrilled to be back on campus, there was also a little hesitation because of my age. I know that 25 years old is still very young, but I was now surrounded by 18-year-olds fresh out of high school. I felt as if my time had run its course. There is something daunting about no longer being the youngest person in the room. This insecurity comes from me not accomplishing my goals by a certain age. I wanted to have my bachelor's degree before I turned 25 years old. Here I am 25 years old still trying to get my associate's degree. Nevertheless, I kept my head up high and just focused on me.
It is so easy to get caught up in the game of comparison. Whenever I saw someone my age or even a little younger than me being successful, it made me analyze every decision I made in the past. Comparison played tricks on my mind as I questioned whether I was even good enough or worthy of great things. As I get older, I’ve come to realize that everyone is on their own journey. Someone else’s success is not your failure. Also, you don’t know what people are actually going through, especially when they only post their accomplishments on social media.
Social media is a highlight reel; people only show you the good parts of their lives, not the difficult parts. It’s essentially a facade. Furthermore, I try to remember that whenever I get down on myself. What is meant for me, will come to me in due time. I just have to stay strong and keep pushing on because at the end of the day, my resilience, faith and optimism is more powerful than any obstacle that gets in my way.
In Spring 2024, I will receive my associate's degree in Communication Studies, and I plan to transfer to either California State University, Los Angeles or San Francisco State University to study journalism. As far as my mental health is concerned, I go to therapy twice a month and find techniques and tools that help me out when I’m feeling down such as exercise, writing and listening to music that uplifts me. I’m currently in my peaceful era and I love it. I am extremely proud of myself for continuing on with my education. Most people in my position would have given up and settled. However, I don’t believe in settling for less. I am meant for great things, and I look forward to what life has to offer me.